A Homie-Lover-Friend: Can He Be All Three?

By: Taren Vaughan

Thinking of your ideal mate, what are some things that you want them to be? Should they be someone that you can hang out with, without being bored out of your mind? Should they be someone that knows how to hold it down in the romance department? Most importantly, should they be a person who you can genuinely trust, who knows everything there is to know about you? It’s not too hard to find a person who has at least one of these qualities. But what about someone who has all three? He is the homie, the lover and the friend. Let us break down this ideal partner that I am speaking of:

First, there’s the “homie” side of your man. Very similar to a close homegirl, he should be someone that you don’t mind kicking it with on a regular basis. Whether it be catching a game on TV or going out to one of your favorite night spots for a few drinks, you can share some good laughs with this guy and really let your hair down when you are around him. Even though you clearly don’t have a penis, he can still look at you as one of his boys in a sense. We all, or I hope, can keep it real when we are around our homies. So if consider your man to be just that, no need to put on a front when you are in his presence; he gets to see the real you just like a close girl friend would.

Now on to the “lover”. The lover in your significant other goes a little deeper than “homie status”. Here is where the romance and intimacy comes into play. Your partner should know how to set the mood and really know how to keep the flame going in your relationship. It’s one thing to connect with someone on the homeboy/homegirl level. But it is a totally different story when it comes to how well they can successfully woo you on a romantic tip. Being an ideal lover takes a lot more than a good game of pool. Leave that to the “homie” side of him.

Out of all three sides of your partner, the “friend” part of them is the most important and truly is the one thing that holds your relationship together. The true definition of a friend is someone that you can trust wholeheartedly; a person who despite your flaws can see the good in you when others don’t. At the same token, they don’t have a problem telling you about yourself when you get out of line.

Having that true friendship with your significant other can make a world of difference when it comes to how strong your actual relationship is. How can you possibly have a solid partnership when there is no trust or sense of comfort involved? You always feel uncomfortable talking to your man when you are upset about something he did or said. Or he has done something that has totally rubbed you the wrong way and you choose the silent route in fear of his response. A real friend wouldn't let that fly at all. The friendship aspect of a relationship is very much needed. Without it, the other two “sides” are pretty much null and void. No true relationship can survive without a friendship involved somewhere in it.

A “HomieLoverFriend” can be so hard to find these days. Running across a person who truly embodies each of these aspects seems to be virtually impossible to do. The way the dating pool is these days, you’re lucky to find a decent partner yet alone someone who has this total package that I am glorifying. It always seems like he or she has one part down pack but lacks terribly in the other areas. It may appear that these individuals are nowhere to be found. But they are most definitely out there. A HomieLoverFriend may not come knocking at your door right away. But once you do find them, that someone who gives you an equal yet satisfying dose of all three of these sides, hold on tight to them. They may just be a keeper.

Just like R. Kelly, Mr. "Bump-N-Grind" himself, used to say, “A HomieLoverFriend is what I’m looking”. I don’t know about you, but I definitely feel him on that one.