Soraya Mathias Blog

The Feminist Movement has created a new creed of women: the fearless and unconquerable independent woman. Let's be clear, it's commendable for any woman to take on the challenges of succeeding on her own, paving her own way, and taking care of herself. Who wouldn't celebrate a woman who refuses to depend on a man to come and save her from life's many obstacles, but instead saves herself? But there also comes a point where women may mistake independence with forsaking men all together. And that's the biggest mistake any independent woman could ever make.

The independent woman may be immune to defeat, but is she really immune to love? And if she is, why would she want to be?

Now there are some independent ladies that have had horrible experiences with the other gender. They let their guard downs for men who were unworthy, and gave their hearts away to men who had no plans of returning the romantic gesture.

Many sleepless nights and disappointments turned this woman's heart cold, and a surge of bitterness leaves her unable to love and unable to trust. It's understandable as it's painful for a woman to get her heart broken against her better judgment, but it doesn't mean that men are somehow irrelevant to the equation of better days.

In love, we will pick the wrong men before we pick the right man. All of our disappointments, no matter how painful, are teachable moments in love and relationships. The independent sister must not forget that she too needs love, and it's hard to ever get love if you view men as the enemy, and allow bitterness to consume you and have you thinking that you could live without romance.

The independent woman just wants to be strong and survive in a cold world full of people that she can't technically depend on. It makes sense, but it's easy to mistake strength for something totally different: cowardliness. There's a lot of independent cowards out here labeling themselves as independent women. What does strength mean to you?

There's two ways to look at strength: survival through the unexpected twists and turns of life or to shut out people or circumstances in life that you can't control. To fully live, is to understand that we cannot try to control every aspect of our lives. We can decide to endure all that comes, but in no way can we control all that comes. And real strength comes from dedication to enduring all, not picking and choosing what to avoid.

It's easy to mistake the two since strong women feel that they must have total authority over their own lives. But it's your own view of independence that will determine the possibilities that you open or close yourself up to. Simply put, it all comes down to an attitude.

For me, independent means going to school, getting a degree, and succeeding in my career on my own since there's a 60% chance that I won't get married. It doesn't mean I don't need love. I am just prepared just in case Happily Ever After doesn't happen. Men shouldn't feel so inferior that they think we don't need them, and women shouldn't be so confused to think we don't. We both need each other. It's human nature.

Besides, God made Adam and Eve...and both were essential to mankind.

Live your life and don't be afraid to rely on yourself, but don't let independence hinder you from experiencing a love like no other. To love, is to fully live. So live abundantly, my independent sisters.

What we can all learn from the Shirley Sherrod media frenzy.


By: Dawn Marbury

What you hear isn’t always the truth, just ask Shirley Sherrod. A speech she gave about equality for all races and the needs of the less fortunate class was chopped and screwed into the roasting of white people, and released to the world by Fox News, a beacon of “fair and balanced” reporting. While Shirley did indeed say the comments that got everybody from Glenn Beck to the NAACP up in a tizzy, the context of her statements were unbelievably misconstrued in order to point the reverse racism finger back at the black White House and its supporters. To everyone’s chagrin the unaltered tape actually showed Shirley Sherrod as kind of race hero- a woman whose own father was murdered by the KKK, facing a choice to provide aid to a white farmer that felt “superiority” over her and she actually helped him. In an age of hoopla over what someone says context gets lost, and doesn’t always come back to vindicate.

People are receiving more information than ever. The production of information just in the year 2000 was 37,000 times more than all the information in the Library of Congress. Mail, telephones, and the internet bring us more information than previous generations could ever imagine. All the cool people are blogging their most intimate thoughts on Twitter (in 140 characters or less) and updating Facebook with their problems, rants, and observations. Cellphones allow us the ability to pass notes in the classroom of life without even saying one word. We seemed to be obsessed with information gathering, but maybe we are more obsessed with gossip. Facebook has turned people into private dicks combing their “friends” profiles for suspicious pictures, comments and statuses. What you may be using as a tool for self promotion expression may be interpreted as your last will and testament to the readers seeing your updates. Twitter whose chat room esque elements (minus the anonymity) thrives off of the information and gossipy nature that we have to share information not just about ourselves, but each other. The result is an electronic version of the “telephone game” we played as children, a morphing of facts and truth that blazes through our wi-fi connections with lightning speed- with only remnants of the original details.

Shirley Sherrod could never imagine that words she said about someone she met in 1986 would cause such a national uproar, then national apology. She is one of many people who the flame of wild-fire words has scorched and burned. As a writer, its damning for me to write that tone is very difficult to interpret via text (words alone) and coupling that with the sophisticated technology that can manipulate speech to serve its audience makes deciphering the real truth like finding a size 8 shoe during a Nordstrom’s clearance sale. Fox News has replaced journalism with the same authenticity that we see on reality shows, and internet addicts shoot up all the gossip and info that they can- commenting without caring about sources or validity. The story is what we are after- and the truth may or may not fit with that. As the same folks that demand that the Obama administration rehire the same person they demanded he fire talk out both sides of their faces, its is our responsibility to police our need for that gossip fix by not running with speculation as the real deal. You never know when that speculation could be running after you.


Dawn Marbury is one of our featured writers. She is a talented writer who writes an awesome and an extremely witty blog entitled The Bourgeoisie And The Beast when she isn't working on her own books. Check out her site, it's addictive.

The tongue is mightier than the sword. The power of words and imagery in popular culture has undoubtedly sparked movements of empowerment and social climate change. Words define who we are, and images define what we identify ourselves with. Long gone are the days of Gloria Steinem and Angela Davis educating females on what is it to be a woman in society. Josephine Baker, who of course danced for dollars butt naked, was also an instrument of social equality and international political clout. Today women who by all media accounts are shopaholic party girls, wine drinking, independent types that can’t catch a man even with Flo-Jo’s legs could be rallying to change the stereotypes of music and club culture that says that they are bitches, have instead chose to embrace women that actively promote the same negativity that embodies the worst of who we are.

Nicki - the Mary Magdelene to Lil Wayne’s Jesus, has made it her business to capitalize on being a bad bitch and lil freak. In her songs she boasts of “taking Cassie away from Diddy”, “being a five-star bitch”, “having the fattest p*ssy”, and “only f*cking ballers”. Nicki has allegedly has had her face and body surgically altered in her quest of being the baddest “Barbie” she can be. Are her ever-changing looks and sexuality a nod to her feminist predecessors as her individual expression of freedom, or a not so sophisticated way of mainstream marketing designed to increase her fan base and sales?

Books like Bitch is The New Black have coined the word bitch as modern feminism with a twist of controversy. Bitch is embraced not just as a term of endearment but as an expression of power and independence. Funny since we all know bitches as female dogs and dogs survive by the grace of their masters. We are persuaded to forget the scathing truth of what bitch really is and what the bitch represents. In King Lear, one of the great works by William Shakespeare the Earl of Kent refers to Oswald as “..nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch…” It doesn’t sound like ol’ Billy was saying Oswald’s mom was an independent, empowered woman. Even prior to Shakespeare, the word bitch was used to describe promiscuous women that were like “dogs in heat”. Back in the day even whores didn’t want to be called “bitches”. Fast forward to today, when using the word bitch is more popular than calling a woman lady. The current bitch is a male pleasing, beautifully weaved out, money-getting, bottle poppin’, good time girl. A great guise for somebody that is too confused to be who they really are.

Why do women feel the need to become a bitch in order to become popular, successful, and beautiful? It can’t be our common sense- as the word bitch connotes offensive stereotypes and is meant as an insult. So why has popular culture recently bashed women into bitch submission? Why is the most prominent female hip hop artist the “baddest” self-proclaimed bitch of them all? Shonda Rhimes, the creator of Grey’s Anatomy has bought the film rights to Bitch is The New Black and is bringing bitches to big screen a’la Sex and The City style. While a whole generation of women have been indoctrinated into bitchdom, the women behind the curtains are heading straight to the bank, only the at the expense of the labor of the feminist movement and the future of our women.

This article was inspired by Amanda Anderson and The Hip Hop Effect: The Bitch Complex.

Dawn Marbury is one of our featured writers. She is a talented writer who writes an awesome and an extremely witty blog entitled The Bourgeoisie And The Beast when she isn't working on her own books. Check out her site, it's addictive.